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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27878230">A place of safety amidst the chaos</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoonowl/pseuds/themoonowl'>themoonowl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Real Hero [29]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Fluff, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Mass Effect 3, Past Relationship(s), Soft af, lowkey trauma, showering together</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:54:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27878230</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoonowl/pseuds/themoonowl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Real Hero [29]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1429021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A place of safety amidst the chaos</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Samed fell onto the bed face-first. One would think that almost getting spaced <em> twice </em> out of a geth dreadnought would make him feel twitchy or suffocating or—something. But all he was now, was tired, in so many different ways.</p>
<p>His muscles ached, for one. Walking with mag-boots really took a toll on the legs, and the dull pain that pulsed through his ankles and knees only confirmed that.</p>
<p>Then there was the other kind of tired. Tired of people, or more like <em> children, </em>with how the admirals were acting. Children that happened to command a fleet of about fifty thousand ships. </p>
<p>Samed and his team almost got killed because of their recklessness, and he had to play <em>nice</em> afterwards, just to recruit their asses for this damned war.<em> You're lucky I need your ships, Admiral.</em> His head was still throbbing from all the teeth-clenching he did during that briefing.  </p>
<p>Had nobody even thought that, even if the quarians somehow managed to retake their homeworld, that they’d just make it easier for the Reapers to swoop in and harvest them afterwards?</p>
<p>
  <em> Akh. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Nothing’s ever easy in this war, is it? </em>
</p>
<p>A swooshing sound came from the other side of the cabin—the bathroom door most likely—which meant only one person. ”Hey. You okay?” His favorite one.</p>
<p>Samed groaned into the mattress.</p>
<p>“Gonna take that as a no. Anything I can do?”</p>
<p>“Wrangle the admirals, like some out-of-control kids?” Samed said and rolled over to his back, his eyes fixed on the stars above.</p>
<p>“Well we can’t really ground them, so that’s out of the question. No candy for a week? Hm. Limit their extranet time?” Kaidan joined him on the bed. “An only child and the youngest of my cousins, so I never got to babysit anyone. Don’t really know what you’re supposed to do when kids act out.”</p>
<p>“Me neither. Didn’t know babysitting would turn out to be a useful skill during wartime.”</p>
<p>Kaidan chuckled, “But really, anything I can do? That was not the smoothest of missions back there. Whatever you need.”</p>
<p>The faintest of smiles tugged at Samed’s tired lips. He turned over and pressed his face into the crook of Kaidan’s neck, wrapping both an arm and a leg around him in a full embrace. His subtle ozone scent that always lingered, mixed with the fresh, forest-smelling soap they used, filled Samed's senses. “Mmm. This. I need this. You.”</p>
<p>“You’re in luck then,” Kaidan said with his softest voice and started to trail his fingers up and down Samed's arm. “You already got me.”</p>
<p>Tension seeped away from Samed’s body, slowly but surely being replaced by restful sleep.</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> One big, red eye stares at him, the air around him smells of burnt bugs and dust, his hands are numb but he still presses on the trigger, his visor's graphics showing that the target's almost locked— </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Explosion. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Many explosions. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Fire rains from the sky and onto the foul creature—if it can even be called a creature. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> It says its last, pathetic words. The red is no more. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Samed!" He is safe in Kaidan's arms. "You okay?" </em>
</p>
<p>"Damn. You okay?"</p>
<p>Samed blinked. Lukewarm water poured over him, the smell of fresh, forest-smelling soap around him. It was like thousands of tiny needles prickled his hands—but at least he could move those hands now. Even if that movement was frantic and twitchy.</p>
<p>"Yeah, just spaced out for a min—ow!" A sharp pain shot through Samed's shoulder, making him wince and lurch away. "What the hell, Kaidan?"</p>
<p>"Sorry, I needed to touch it. Call it… medical curiosity."</p>
<p>"Touch what?"</p>
<p>"This giant bruise on your shoulder. Man, it's <em> big. </em> How'd you get it? Wasn't here yesterday."</p>
<p>
  <em> A red line of death shoots from its eye, his visor's telling him that the target is almost locked, but he needs to— </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Extend your shoulder and roll," Sensei's words come through front and center for some reason. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> The world spins. Target locked. An explosion. But if Sensei saw that pathetic tumble, he'll shake his head and make Samed do it again. </em>
</p>
<p>"I think I rolled to the side when the Reaper was shooting at me and fell. I always kinda sucked at side rolls."</p>
<p>"Shit, what if your shoulder is—" Kaidan gripped Samed's neck, moving his arm in circles. </p>
<p>"Kaidan—"</p>
<p>"Sh!"</p>
<p>Samed sighed and stood still while Kaidan did his thing. After Rannoch, all he wanted was a normal shower with his boyfriend, wash off the sand and sweat that had built up after that intense fight. Didn't expect he'd get a bonus medical examination with it.</p>
<p>"I just need to—okay. No dislocation, just a bruise. Though, it might sting for a while."</p>
<p>"Thanks, doc." Samed turned around. "Have a kiss for your troubles."</p>
<p>Kaidan shook his head and sighed.</p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There really wasn't anything better than a nice shower after a long, grueling mission. Well, there was one thing: getting to relax after that shower with one's favorite person in the galaxy—and Samed did just that. His head was comfortably nested on Kaidan's lap, both of them on the sofa in his cabin, each with a datapad in hand, writing a report about Rannoch.</p>
<p>It was a good end to the day, though—</p>
<p>
  <em> One big, red eye stares at him, the air around him smells of charred earth and dust. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Extend your shoulder and roll." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Target locked." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Keelah se'lai." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "You okay?" </em>
</p>
<p>"Samed?" Snapping of fingers. "Hey. You okay?"</p>
<p>He'd zoned out again. And again that same question.</p>
<p>"I'm fine."</p>
<p>"You sure? You keep sort of spacing out. What's wrong?"</p>
<p>"I'm just tired, need to sleep it off. Took down a whole Reaper, remember?"</p>
<p>"I know, but." Kaidan sighed. "There were a lot of close calls back there. Wanna talk about it?" Worried amber eyes stare from above.</p>
<p>
  <em> "Was your mission rough? Do you wish to talk about it?" Olly asks, a worried look on his pouty face. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "I guess." Samed tells him all about it. The shrapnel that barely missed him and burned a part of his little finger while he overloaded their shields. Almost not getting to cover in time. All those close calls. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Samedi, they are working you to near death over there. Perhaps—" </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> 'Perhaps you should quit,' is what Olly always says. Words that always start an argument. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> It's not different now. Voices raised, a knot in Samed's stomach, a kinetic barrier sprung up around his heart as soon as Olly said 'perhaps.' He is supposed to be relaxed on these small vacations, enjoying the time spent with his boyfriend. He isn't now. </em>
</p>
<p>Kaidan had that same worried look. Samed's stomach suddenly felt tight, like he was inches away from another fight.</p>
<p>He clenched his teeth. <em>"Wann<em>a tal</em>k about it." Why, so you'd tell me to quit again? </em> Samed blinked that thought away. "What's there to talk about? Close calls are part of the job, you know that."</p>
<p>"I do, but it's important to talk about those calls, you know? That's what my therapist always said."</p>
<p>"Therapist? You have a therapist?"</p>
<p>"I used to. His wife went into premature labor while I was in the hospital and—you know what? It's a long story. We need to talk about Rannoch first."</p>
<p>Samed sighed. "Okay. Fine." He sprung up the same barrier around his heart, took a deep breath and started. "I keep going back to that moment, me versus that Reaper, its eye staring…" </p>
<p>He went on with the whole story; the part about his numb hands on the trigger. His heart beating in his ears. The smell of charred dust in the air. How those reinforcements from the quarian fleet came at the last second, just as the Reaper's beam felt inescapable, suffocating. How it was always about that last second. The Alliance's reinforcements on Elysium. The thresher maw on Tuchanka. The explosion at the Collector base.</p>
<p>How, despite all of those close calls, that feeling he'd get after a mission, the feeling that he did something <em> good, </em> always outweighed that fear. How, "It's why I joined. So that I wouldn't be just that helpless kid on Mindoir, so that <em> others </em> won't be that kid. To do something good, save a bunch of lives, or, I don't know. Make them better."</p>
<p>
  <em> "I know Samedi, but you should take care of yourself too, not just—" </em>
</p>
<p>"Yeah. Me too, in a way." Kaidan's voice cut through Samed's thoughts. "Like, yeah, sure, I get some bad headaches sometimes, but at least I'm doing something useful with my biotics, you know? Just sitting idle, having a normal desk job or something? Not really my style. Not when I know I can make a difference."</p>
<p>The faintest of smiles drew across Samed's face and that barrier around his heart just had its generator overloaded.</p>
<p>"But, uh, yeah. How are you feeling now? Your hands doing okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah." Samed clenched and unclenched his fists. "I can move them again, at least."</p>
<p>Kaidan put his datapad down, and placed his hand on Samed's chest. "You know, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about you back there. You staring down a Reaper? Tali said I was glowing the whole time."</p>
<p>Samed frowned. "Kaidan…"</p>
<p>"I'm okay, don't worry. Heh. In a way, this is me talking about <em> my </em> close call back there. Almost losing you." Samed entwined his fingers with Kaidan's, an unspoken <em> You won't. </em> "Wish this war didn't throw so many of those at us."</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Still, I'm glad I have you here to talk about these things. Process them. Get them out of both of our systems before they fester, turning into something worse."</p>
<p>Samed took a good, hard look at Kaidan. His favorite person in the whole galaxy. Someone who he could tell everything to, hopefully. Maybe Kaidan needed to know this part of him too. He sat up and turned to Kaidan, his arms hugging one propped up knee. </p>
<p>"Whenever I'd talk with my, uh—" Heat rose to Samed's cheeks and he swallowed and scratched the back of his neck, "—ex about the missions I'd come back from, he'd usually try to convince me to quit because of all the stress. And that usually turned into a big argument. So I guess I learned to bury those things, hide them, or else—I don't know. They'd start another fight. Didn't want that to happen with you." A quick glance up at Kaidan, then back to the floor. Then back to Kaidan.</p>
<p>Kaidan's eyes sparkled in the dim light, sparkled with that familiar look of understanding he'd give him back in the day. He raised his chin and puffed his chest, like a knight about to defend his lover's honor. "Well let me make you a promise then. It won't. Ever."</p>
<p>Samed couldn't help but crack a smile.</p>
<p>"I'm worried about you, sure. But I'll support you no matter what."</p>
<p>Samed put both his legs over Kaidan's, his head on his shoulder, taking in that subtle ozone scent he enjoyed so much, and hummed. "You're the best, you know that?"</p>
<p>"Heh." Kaidan squeezed him closer. "You know I'm out there on the front lines with you, remember? Kinda difficult to hide what happens from me when I'm going through the same kind of hell."</p>
<p>Samed snorted. "True enough." He lifted his head and gazed into his sparkling honey eyes. "Thanks. I feel much better now."</p>
<p>Kaidan responded with the most delicate of kisses and a smile, and then his softest voice. "Hey, that's what I'm here for. Got your back. Always."</p>
<p>Warmth always coursed through Samed's body whenever Kaidan pulled out that voice. It was either the soft, sleepy warmth when he woke up next to him, or the electric pulse of his kisses on his lips, or even the scalding heat when his eyes would get that wanting look through lidded eyes.</p>
<p>It was the same now, but Samed couldn't help but notice that warmth somehow running deeper now. In that moment, it was just the two of them, two souls surviving in a war-torn galaxy, pulled to each other by a force greater than the mass effect itself.</p>
<p>"Got yours too." </p>
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